I love facts. Or, more accurately, I love using facts to prove myself right. Join me and my PowerPoint to find out why cancer causes mobile phones (not the other way around), how stingy single people are about wine, and why Italian yoghurt adverts are a force to be reckoned with. You'll learn the truth about online dating, how not to create a pie chart, and the real cost of having a million dollars.

Fact Machine is a stand-up PowerPoint show exploring how, like some members of the mass media and political establishment, you can use facts and figures to prove anything you want—if, like said politicians and media types, you don’t worry too much about the small matters of “the truth” and “journalistic integrity”. Armed with a well-researched (and fully referenced) slideshow, I will take you on a journey through the minds of the statistically average single American: what they like, how they spend their time, and what they write when they leave online shopping reviews. Just don’t look too closely at how I apply the facts to reach my conclusions.

Expect bad puns, even worse science, and the statistical key to getting yourself a date on the internet—if you’re willing to be a little “economical with the truth”.

This was first performed at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2019.